The Wisdom of Age

I know it's Wednesday and that's the day for Wishcasting Wednesday but I didn't really feel compelled to write about today's prompt. So, instead I'm going to write a piece based on Jamie Ridler's other blog site, The Roots of She. She has a section called the Elder Sister Project. Since I'm an elder sister and since my birthday was a couple days ago, I thought that I would share some of my thoughts.

I am the eldest sister of 5. I have a full blooded sister who is almost 5 years younger than I am, a step-sister who is about 12 years younger, a half brother who is 16 years younger and a half sister who is 25 years younger. So, we are spread out. I just turned 45.

45 is a funny age. You are not really quite "middle aged" as that usually starts near 50-- as you are going through menopause. I'm not exactly young either. It is somewhere between the "motherhood" stage and the "crone" stage... long past the "maiden" stage. I look at where I am now and think, what the heck am I supposed to be doing? I no longer am highly driven to make a name of myself in my career. My children are grown adults. But, I'm not yet ready to retire, nor am I a grandmother yet. So, where does that leave me? Having had my children young, many of my peers are still dealing with children in their home. Not me. And, although I went to college later in life and have a relatively young career, having worked for 7 years post grad, I don't have the drive that I did in my 30's to make a name for myself.

What I do know is that life is short. There are lessons to learn, yes. But, there is life to enjoy also! Little things catch my attention; my puppy playing, the cardinal eating out of the feeder, the squirrels playing tag, a snowflake falling. Living life to it's fullest seems import ant. Learning lessons in everyday life seem important. Living life seems important... more important than waiting for tomorrow. The "somedays" that I always looked forward to seem closer somehow. It's like I have to enjoy what IS! My mark on the world is made in the little things. Smiling at a harried cashier, a word of kindness to a stranger, reaching out to friends and family when it's not really convenient.

But, I always thought that these were thoughts one had when they were in the twilight of their life, looking back on the past and enjoying the present. I'm not at all to concede that I'm in the twilight of my life yet! So, what's the deal? Perhaps it's partly age and perhaps it has something to do with the long search for myself. Constantly analyzing one's life eventually makes you think about these things. Who do I want to be? Rather than who am I supposed to be. The trials I have endured over the past few years have really helped give perspective on this. It has helped me to accept myself more, love myself more, trust myself more. The expectations of the outside world don't stress me out as much. And, you know what? It's not all that important anyway! There's a quote in one of the Anne of Green Gables books that goes like this... "It's not what the world gives to you that's important, it's what you bring to it." Expecting others to accept us is not important. Living my life in the most authentic way possible is important.

My message to my siblings? Live your life authentically. Be authentic to yourself, your beliefs, and your values. It doesn't matter what others have to say. It doesn't matter what others expect of you. What matters is whether you are living the life you intend. Live life with YOUR OWN INTENTION!

Me? I'm still working on me. Still working towards complete authenticity. Still finding my place in this in-between time of life. But, it matters less and less what the opinion of others is. It matters what I think of myself. It matters that I live my life to the fullest. Not the paycheck I bring in, not the labels I earn, not the fancy letters behind my name. What matters is much simpler. Bringing myself to the world around me. That is what matters.

Blessed Be!